One thing has become starkly evident to me in my journey through life. This thing, which is my universal truth #377, is simply this: Technology, on the whole, is completely useless. Now before all you modernists rise against the sardonic journalist who would send us all back to the Stone Age, hear me out. Fire, technology, was useful. It was after that we started to go wrong. Take today for example, Some moron with a lot of time on his hands invented a monitor that fits on your glasses, First, this is clearly discrimination against those of us who wear contacts or lack the need for corrective eyewear. Second, this is a useless idea, who gives a load of fetid dingo’s kidneys that you can word process with the screen projected less than an inch from your eyeball. I hope some idiot is going to write a program that will instantly blind you, and it will be your own bloody fault. Continuing, we now have trackers we can put under the skin of children and animals (no major difference other than leg count) that allow you, through triangulation to determine their location to within 3 feet. Wow! You can see that the average school child just walked 50meters to reach a gym class. CD’s, pieces of plastic that, if snapped or scratched, cease to perform their function. CD-ROM drives, however, do serve a useful function, they are perfectly designed to hold oversized coffee cups. I could go on for hours about useless technology, but I have reached the conclusion that there is one useful piece of technology in this world. Japanese Robotic Suits. All they use them for right now is helping old people to walk, but they have so much more potential. I am simply waiting for the military model. It can fling a car half a city block (“wha’ dat” BOOM!). It can run at 70kph (“Run forest Ru-“ SQUISH). And best of all, it has two mini-guns bolted to its hips that would make Rambo soil his boxers. Yes, let all the world fear the disgruntled anti-technologist and his robot of destruction.

DISCLAIMER
This piece is intended to be taken humorously, anyone who takes it otherwise shall be taken out and shot. This does not represent the view of the clubhouse, or even the person who wrote it. It represents the ranting of a mind that is not merely twisted, it is in fact totally sprained.